REVIEW: Jupiter Ascending

It’s only Feburary and we already have one of the worst movies of 2015. If you remember the frustration that you had watching The Matrix Revolutions, then get ready to feel it all over again with the Wachowski‘s latest sci-fi blunder (by the way, Cloud Atlas is not on that list. LOVE that movie)

milaIn Jupiter Ascending, Mila Kunis plays a Jupiter, who works as a maid.  Then aliens show up and tell her that she’s really a Queen that owns Earth. I think so.  So it’s basically like the sci-fi version of Maid In Manhattan or The Princess Diaries.  When presented with such a prepostorous idea, it’s amazing how agreeable Jupiter is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an action movie with a weaker, more gullible, or unintelligent lead character.  It just becomes action sequence after action sequence of the man (Channing Tatum) having to save the woman from a situation that she has stupidly got herself into.  With all the talk of how women are represented in movies, this character is actually quite insulting.  Kunis should be embarassed she signed up to play this.
So yes, Channing Tatum is the heroic man here.  Well, he’s actually a man-wolf hybrid. I think.  His makeup looked ridiculous in the trailer, but he comes off fine here.  He’s the only actor who doesn’t embarass himself.  And ladies, he’s shirtless for a good portion of the film, so that’s something.

channing2Eddie Redmayne is unfortunately following up his possible Oscar-worthy performance as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything with a laughable performance as the villain.  He talks in the slow, almost slurring, and conniving voice that people use when they are playing an evil villain in a parody.  Redmayne is trying to do it seriously.  Every once and a while, Eddie bursts into a yell and it made the audience laugh when I saw the film.  He plays Balem Abrasax, an evil brother who wants to kill Jupiter. I think.  There’s another evil brother, played by Douglas Booth, who also wants to kill Jupiter.  Why is there two? I’m not really sure.   There’s also a sister (played by Tuppence Middleton), but I’m not really sure what her deal was.

Jupiter Ascending looks great.  The production design is amazing, and the costumes are outstanding (although why there are so many scenes with Mila in designer gowns…I’m not sure), but it has trouble with its plot.  Even after 5 minutes with its jarring scenes and odd introduction of characters, you know this isn’t going to go well.
Grade:  D+

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